Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
