she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
