OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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