i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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