Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
