His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
