a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
