we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
