I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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