oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
