Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
