ugly people sure do ruin things
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
