I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
