Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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