I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
