mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
