Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
