Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
