So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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