Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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