Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
