i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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