you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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