Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
