should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
