she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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