I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
