I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
