I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
