I'm passing your future prison.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
