omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
