I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
her vagine was all disorganized.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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