his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
