The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wish my penis had a tongue
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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