i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
