I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
