i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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