i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
