my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
