I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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