Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
