You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
