Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
