Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
