It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
