Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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