Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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