i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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