But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
