I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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