tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
