I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
